The Rules

On NCIS, through flashbacks we meet Gibb’s wife.  At one point she tells him that a man should have a set of rules to live by, and he begins to write down the rules that in the show are ubiquitous.  Rule # 1 – never screw a partner.  Rule # 8 – Never Assume, and so on.  Perhaps that was where I got my idea to number these rules.  Some of which I have had long before NCIS came on the air, and many of which have changed over time.  Some rules have fallen off my list.  Even in my days of full debauchery during my flight from all things holy, I still had the rule “Never ever on a first date…” and it served me well, keeping me out of a heap of troubles.  I do not need that particular rule after 13 years of happy marriage, but others stay with you.

Over the years the list has solidified into principles that guide my career, my job, my behavior and how to think about life.  At work, some rules are quoted not just by me, but by those who have worked with me long enough to have them memorized (Trust but verify, Never Assume, Hope is not a Strategy, etc.).  Since a coworker has asked me to publish them, here they are.  I reserve the right to change them at any given time and perhaps will choose to come back and explain them in a little more detail, but this snapshot shows what the first 31 rules look like as of 5/2/2012.  Perhaps they will help you, or entertain.  Aside from Rule #1 and maybe #2, there is  not really any order or rhyme (see rule #14).  These are my rules, I suggest you develop your own, because otherwise, you would be violating rule #15.

1. God is God, and I am not, I promise not to usurp his spot.
2. Love with all your heart and all your soul and all your mind.  Anything less is not love.
3. There are no completely satisfactory answers to the ‘why’ questions this side of heaven.
4. Fight for the important things and be willing to give up everything else.
5. Never use words when actions alone will do.
6. If you accept status quo, then you condone it, and it will blind and bind you.
7. Always be totally honest, the smallest lie destroys a mountain of trust.
8. Problems should be addressed by those who find them, lest they become part of the problem.
9. A plan made and changed is more effective than a change-made plan
10. Ignore rules without consequences, they are obviously meant to be broken.
11. “Do not hike this trail in bad weather” signs are posted for your benefit, ignore them only if you wish to prove your stupidity beyond a doubt.
12. Hope is not a strategy, so plan for the worst but expect the best
13. Derision is not a motivational tactic, but it is a character indicator.
14. When there are multiple #1 priorities, there is no #1 priority.
15. Trust but verify, unless the trustee is benevolent, omniscient, and omnipotent.
16. Lead with expectations, people will rise or fall to meet them.
17. Do not waste time determining the ‘right’ way to do the ‘wrong’ thing.
18. Avoid false dichotomies, ‘either… or’ is often, more correctly ,’both… and’
19. Sometimes the only thing you can do is to hack it.
20. Pursue laughter, because weeping pursues you
21. Two wrongs do not make a right, but they can make a better wrong.
22. If you do not have time to do it right, you must have time to do it again.
23. Get it done, let someone else worry about who gets credit
24. Don’t ask for an opinion you have no intention of considering
25. If you want an answer, be specific with your question.
26. In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice, but in practice there is.
27. The knife you use to cut corners will turn on you one day.
28. Refusal to reconsider past decisions ensures failure in future endeavors
29. Never assume, and test all assertions.
30. The glass is neither half-full or half-empty.  It is simply not full.  Drink it down and get another.
31. What did thought do? Nothing by itself, action is required to realize and validate the thought, so have a predilection to act.
32. Measure twice, cut once
33. Get your own stuff together first, then you can help others. (Put on your own mask, so that you can help others…)
34. If you are given experienced directions to succeed, follow them to success, or don’t and accept and embrace failure.
35. Everyone has wisdom to impart, but not all their wisdom should be given the same weight
36. Apologies cost you only pride, but they buy a ton of goodwill.
37. Adults learn best from demonstration and enablement, so more do, more partnering, less talk.
38. People yearn for validation more than for guidance, so always begin with affirmation.
39. You do not have because you do not ask, so ASK Audaciously!
40. There’s lots of wiggle room between the contour lines.
41. Truth cannot be subjective when your life is at risk, though your judgment of it may be.
42. The goal is not just to find out the answer, but to learn to ask a better question.
43. Good architecture cannot be achieved by executive edict, but only by principled co-creative collaboration.
44. Be skeptical of advice from anyone who does not get paid to give that advice.
45. Getting started is hard, but it’s the first step in acceleration. Focus on getting started first.
46. People rarely exhibit behaviors that get them what they want, so evaluate/address behaviors separately from intent.
47. Incremental change is he only lasting change.
48. The only thing I can change directly is myself.
49. Make sure it’s your fight before you start swinging.
50. Mastery is achieved one step at a time; limit your WIP and use the Power of FOCUS.
51. Time is better spent on leveraging what people CAN do than on criticizing what they CANNOT do.
52. Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people. (Henry Thomas Buckle) Strive for greatness at all times!
53. Never confuse being BUSY with being PRODUCTIVE.
54. No Challenge, No Change.
55. Stop being surprised at unsurprising things.
56. It is never a failure if you gain wisdom or knowledge from it.
57. You cannot measure wisdom, but you can measure its application.

[Last Edited 8/31/2023)

By the way, here is the video from NCIS. (Now unavailable)